i’ve learned…

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© photo by michelle bryant

benny:

in the fifteen months we have been together  I’ve learned that I had completely unrealistic expectations of what a REAL relationship should be, and I spent a lot of time beating myself up emotionally and in turn beating you up about failing to live up to those impossible standards (which conveniently distracted mi from looking at that standards I was holding up to myself).

I learned that we tend to make promises based on our emotions, and yes, perhaps we do it out of love, but  I’ve learned that real loyalty is holding to those promises even after the feelings that inspired them have long dissipated. and that it isn’t hard to find people who love, but that loyalty is very rare.

I’ve learned that I will never have as much love or loyalty to anyone as I have to you at this very minute.

I’ve learned that the sweet, little things you do have become the wonderful, big things to miand that above all else, what I truly cherish is your ability to make mi laugh, every, single day and how safe and free to be mi i feel when i am with you.

I’ve learned to remind myself that whatever I’m upset about,because I represent you, I have equally failed and disappointed you as well.

I’ve learned that we both love in very different ways, and that actually compliments and balances each other.

I’ve learned that it’s really, really hard sometimes...for both of us. Perhaps there may be people that are better looking, smarter, more romantic, more attentive, superior in other ways, better suited for us than each other, but at the end of the day I return in thought, in heart, in life to my best friend. ..you.

I’ve learned that saying yes to moving here with you was the smartest thing I could have done and that I’m lucky enough t o have my lover and friend reside in the same person.

I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness and patience... like  you are better at it than I am. I’ve learned to gain more of that from you, and to hopefully show you some my good qualities too.

I’ve learned to strive to give more words of love than criticism, to express more gratitude and less frustration.

I’ve learned the importance of understanding a bad day is not the same thing as a being unhappy with each other.

I’ve learned that even when I’m hurting, even when I think I am the cause, that your touch is what heals mi.

I’ve learned to let go . I‘ve learned the difference between love and power.

I’ve learned how hard it is to really love someone more than yourself, so that you can allow them to pursue their happiness without demanding they take your feelings into consideration first.

I’ve learned how  much I love when you reach over and pull mi close to you at night when you are sleeping.

I’ve learned, again what it means to be a parent, to fall in love with you all over again when I see you two together and the unbreakable bond that being a family creates.

I’ve learned that a lot of my happiness and peace in my relationship was found when I stopped trying to make you the right one, and just tried to be the right one. I think we both fell more in love with mi, because of that.

I learned that unwavering, relentless, steadfast support is a depth of love not many people receive… Its something, as you know I have never had in my life before.  and I am humbled to be so lucky to have that from you.

I ‘ve learned that a lot of people concern themselves with being with a better person, rather than being with a person that makes you better, makes you more than you are alone. ..you do that for mi. As a lover, a mother, a photographer, a person.

I’ve learned the art of finding the light through the cracks, the beauty in fragments , the color in a black and white world.

I’ve learned what it means to have someone who takes care of mi in so many ways beyond the material. To have a companion, someone to share my day, to love and do for as well.

I’ve also learned how clumsy, and ungrateful, and hurtful I was  at times , without even realizing it and for that I desperately ask your forgiveness.

I’ve learned to simply appreciate time … for I cherish any time I get to spend with you no matter what we do.

I’ve learned that I’m one of the lucky ones . To have you in my life each and every day, is one in which I keep thinking I will wake up and it will all just be a dream.

I’ve learned that it is not just that we love one another, but  that love is a choice   and we chose each other.

I’ve learned that everyday I spend with you is a gift and I will continually try to make you happy and bring sunshine into your life.

But most of all, I’ve learned through the good and the rough you are still the best thing that has ever happened to mi.

i love you baby,

~mi

© michelle bryant

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