what do i love?

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© photo by michelle bryant

what do i love?

i love my Lord, who has gotten mi through some of the most horrific times in my life, who loves mi unconditionally. no one has EVER done that for mi– i don’t know how people who don’t know Jesus can go through a single day without Him in their life.

i love my two most precious gifts God has given mi- my children
i love writing- it is my passion and although i am not the greatest at it i feel it shows my soul and offers a tenderness and transparency to the world that i think has long been forgotten…plus, it gives mi an outlet for thinking.i love to read but only non-fiction- (something i can learn from).

i love to think, but often find myself wondering about different things than perhaps most people- probably because i’m not LIKE most people (i think about a better world- where people are kinder, gentler, more giving & less selfish & self-centered). i also think about complex/controversial things like death and the end of the world as we know it. im basically an optimist yet i still feel like our world is going to hell and so i think always.. my mind NEVER sleeps (even when it sleeps).

i love rainbows, flowers (especially fields of flowers) and butterflies.

i love men that are strong (not in muscles but in integrity, word, prayer, faith and character). strong enough to fight for their woman but tender enough to show her their vulnerable side.

i love sleeping in late while the sun shines through the window, (especially waking up in the arms of the most amazing guy in the world who doesnt want to be anyplace else but right there wrapped around mi).

i love simple things like thunderstorms, hot showers, the laughter of children, falling asleep to the sounds of crickets and waking up to birds chirping, to my man calling in from work to stay in bed all day to just make love and hang out all day with mi.

i love hugs and passionate kisses from the guy who thinks im the most incredible, amazing woman on the planet.

i love the sunshine and its warmth and the way it feels on my skin thru my sunroof in my car.

i love dancing..especially when nobody’s watching.

i love a vast variety of music any kind that makes my body move -especially if its LIVE..(music touches my heart and soul according to my mood and therefore i listen to it accordingly) and lyrics are vitally important to mi.. if you cant hear the lyrics..why bother??

i love romping through the woods or driving around with my camera and shooting pictures (it connects mi to nature and God’s creation).

i love sunrises & sunsets and have almost wrecked so many times “just looking” while driving – (but God has spared mi).

i love to “people watch”- to sit in a park, or mall, or restaurant and “watch.” there are so many sad and lonely people in this world- i wish i could touch them somehow.

i love the beach- everything about it, walking on it, playing in it, tasting the salt on my lips, feeling the wind in my hair, etc. (if it wasnt for hurricanes i’d live on the beach).

i love waking up in the morning and knowing that God has given mi another breath (and i do not take that lightly- EVER!). i cherish the moments, the minutes, the hours in my days- perhaps that is part of my frustration to this point..im tired of going through the motions, of simply “existing”…and HATE routines anymore.

i also love silly, simple things like pralines and cream ice cream, home made strawberry shortcake, the smell of fresh cut grass and fresh baked bread and the color yellow because it is such a bright, happy color.

i spend a lot of time “just being”…still, quite…perhaps right now it is because of my circumstance (i have no friends locally and a “cookie-cutter, lack of creativity” job- although it is a blessing to have SOME income). i dont waste my time watching TV either. id rather read a book or write some of my novel.

i love to sit on the balcony and read and listen to the birds, or the frogs or crickets (depending on the time of day). i wish i had some friends locally that i could travel with and do exciting adventurous things. i can totally entertain myself, it’s just nice to see things through someone else’s eyes as well.

i love to travel (although i dont fly well) but this is my life at this moment and im making the best of it FOR NOW…it is not forever.

i am a passionate (and a compassionate) person (i see deeply & i feel deeply) and i want it to reflect in my work, in my eyes and in my life. i am slowly but surely becoming who i want to be.

i have never cared about what others thought of mi- i have always just been “mi” and had friends “on both sides of the tracks” so to speak. many acquaintances and a few “faithfuls” that i could count on one hand with fingers left over – still do. i seem to have more men friends than women friends though i dont really know why (women seem to be jealous of mi for some reason).

i always grew up believing it was better to be the best mi- i could be than a copy of someone else. all i know is i would rather be disliked for being mi than liked for TRYING to be someone else…yet in spite of my unique originality, i married an insecure, immature guy (perhaps thinking that was the best i could do) who unknowingly, i suppose, criticized mi for wanting to stop and take a picture of a sunset, never held my hand when i lost our baby (in fact he went on to work).  and as the years went by and the walls built up, perhaps for both of us, i began to feel inadequate (as though there must be something wrong with mi)..and began to wither away inside- like a flower that was dying ever so slowly until i felt like this ugly, drab, withered, useless, worthless shell of what used to be…and the michelle i once knew slowly disappeared (perhaps by becoming a military wife, mother, friend, whatever…to everyone else).

so in reflecting on the “things that i love”: i have come to realize that once upon a time of the many things i “loved” i loved HER as well. she was neat! i know that one day God will bring mi a love worthy of all i have to give and i will find a man who loves mi unconditionally as i am, flaws & all (as i know there are many). but i know in my heart that then i will only get better as a result of that love for he will have loved mi even when i thought i was invisible.

but for now, i am now in the “process” of rebuilding michelle.. the spunky, energetic, optimistic, amazing, girl that i once knew… i see glimpses of her daily.. she is coming around slowly but surely.

“mi”

© michelle bryant

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