losing someone is beyond difficult


losing someone is beyond difficult.
our life changes.

our daily routine repeatedly brings about antidotes and recollections,
and the pain keeps taunting us.

every time we close our eyes we are reminded once more there is no escape.

our chest gets tight, the floodgates open, and we are once again devoured,
left wondering what to feel, if we feel, or if we will ever feel again.

we don’t simply lose someone.
we are attacked from behind, often with little or no notice.

they are gone and every time we open our eyes
their memory shoots an arrow that slashes our heart even more.
we become acutely aware that there is no end to the loss.
there is only a need to stay afloat.

but how do we stay afloat? how do we survive?

what do we do when someone’s presence dissolves in an instant?
when their memory provides jolts and jabs to the heart?

perhaps we petition a prescription for uncontrollable sobbing,
hide in our pride or search aimlessly for fault.

but our sadness has no agenda.
it’s selfish and persistently overtakes every aspect of our day rolling in like a thick fog,
strangling our breath, clouding our vision, and creeping in when least expected.

it surges us with way too many questions, not enough answers,
and no more time to seek them.
how do we hang on when we can’t even catch our breath or stand upright?

the ground beneath us trembles as we attempt to get through the motions of the day.
how do we cope in the face of crisis, or grieve when the pain surrounds our very being?

there was so much we wanted to say.

but days turned into weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.
we unknowingly and unintentionally got tangled in the web of busyness.

through this agony not only are we continually reminded they are gone
we are reminded how lonely and unfulfilling our life will be without them.
how they have stitched our lives with color and created the tapestry, we must proudly wave.

and in anticipating the time we know will eventually arrive
we enter each day with a generous heart living out their legacy.

we serve others, answering the call of courage and love.
we grasp at hope
and wait for the days when the memories bring a smile to our face, not tears to our cheeks
when we discover the healing of acceptance and the restoration of suffering.

indeed, our life changes.
for now, our daily routine graciously reminds us
that the loss may be immeasurable but so was the love left behind.

© c. michelle bryant griffin
photo by focus on fabulous creative photography

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