© photo by michelle bryant
at fifty years old i never would have guessed that i would be among the “dating pool.” but while swimming (and drowning) in that muck for the past two years i have made some great discoveries. for example, i thought that “players” graduated in high school and their games ended there. not so. also, ive discovered men will STILL tell you ANYTHING to get in your pants no matter how old they are, and a meaningless, superficial relationship really IS what they want even though they say they are looking for a sincere, honest and trustworthy, fun, loving girl to settle down with.. yea, right! now im not here to man bash! i know “it wasnt you. you didnt do it!” been there, heard that! lived with the heartache from its repercussions as well. but what i have learned from this whole roller coaster ride of emotional baggage men bring to the table of a relationship (but claim its all ours) is more about the first two letters in the word MEN…me!!
i have learned that my value and worth is NOT contingent on what he thinks of mi. i dont need to change who i am FOR HIM because he ASKS mi to, only if i WANT to. i think we should all do some deep personal cleaning once in awhile and look at the garbage and baggage we need to rid ourselves of that might be weighing us down and keeping us from leading a blessed and happier life. but do it for YOU.. not someone else. ive learned that i dont NEED him to survive, to complete mi, to pay my bills, to make mi breakfast in the morning or rub my back. sure some of those things are nice but i have always been an independent person, have traveled a lot, done many things, been through even more & if there is one thing i’ve learned, its that i dont NEED anyone simply to survive. now that said, having done so many different things i also have come to realize that after all these years…i still have a void in my life and a lot of love that has YET to be properly shared. of course, God made us to want love, to need love. put a newborn baby in an incubator and dont touch it and see how long it survives. it will die! we are made to be connected, to NEED contact, to be touched. yes, im a dreamer, a pure romantic and may die alone. after all, i am a paradox & it WILL take the right person to truly understand mi, to see the butterfly that hides within the cocoon. but my worth is too valuable to waste on someone who refuses to look beyond his own self to see the beauty that lies within.
© michelle bryant